I see that Beth, who I think is utterly fabulous, found some photos that her husband was keeping of himself and an ex, which caused her to blow a gasket. I'm not unsympathetic - given that the ex in question was someone her hubby was sort-of cheating on her with, and the pictures apparently show them on her bed. If she were to beat him up over it, I think that would qualify as "aggravated assault" instead of just plain "assault". So, he deserves some of the shit he is getting over it.

What's been really interesting is reading the comments from other women who read her diary. Her hubby is lucky that he's not around them, because they've got a bit of an electronic lynch mob thing going on there. Apparently, keeping those pictures qualifies as a hanging offense.

I feel like I should probably stick up for the guy, at least a little. After all, I have explicit photos and tapes and even video of several of my former lovers hidden away from my wife. Granted, I don't think it's as bad, because none of them are of Vicki, who is Mary Anne's own personal demon (as this Kristen person obviously is to Beth).

The thing none of these women can understand (and notably, so far it is all women chiming in as best I can tell) is why the guy still has those pictures to begin with.

Girls, it's just porn.

Guys keep these old photos and stuff because - and I hate to break this to you - from time to time we're thinking about fucking these old girlfriends when we're masturbating. I personally don't do this, but I wouldn't be surprised if once in a while some of those guys are even thinking about fucking those old girlfriends while they're screwing you.

So does that mean that your man doesn't love you, or he really wants to leave you for his old flame, or even that he'd cheat on you with her if the opportunity arose?

No.

Of course, any of those things could be true, but the fact that he is keeping old pictures has nothing to do with it. He's keeping the old pictures as a visual aid, to help keep his memory of her sharp for when he wants to use her image as a masturbation tool to help him get off.

Now, I can almost hear some women complaining about how horrible that is, and how he should be thinking of one woman and one woman only at all times.

In theory, perhaps. But we're not like that. And I'd be surprised if these same women could claim honestly that they never think about any other guys besides their husband/boyfriend when they're getting off.

The question I would ask is, would you prefer that he's thinking about her when he's getting off by himself, or getting off with her or someone like her who isn't you? Because if you spend too much time and effort forbidding him from having a fantasy outlet for his natural desire for variety and spice, he's going to find another outlet for it, and that is probably not going to be a fantasy. Nobody ever left their wife for a photograph, but plenty have left them for a real person.

We men are very independent creatures by nature. That's a real reason that women find us so incomprehensible (and vice-versa) sometimes. For the most part, we're not easily domesticated - it's always a struggle for us. And the only reason we put up with it is because we love you. So every time your husband shows up at home after work, it's because he loves you and he's coming home to be with you (at least on some level).

If you start trying to control his thoughts and his fantasies, sooner or later he's going to rebel. And you'll probably like how he chooses to rebel even less than the fact that he's got some photos stashed away.

That's all I'm saying.

A Return of Regular Action? - 2005-03-31
Patience Rewarded - 2005-03-29
Infidelity... It's Everywhere - 2005-03-25
3 A.M. Eternal (KLF is gonna rock you!) - 2005-03-24
A Different Twist - 2005-03-21