I usually don't take quizzes, but Divacowgirl linked to this How Kinky Are You? test. I scored 560. I'm pleased with that - I choose to think that it means that I am sexually liberated but not a completely sick fuck. Yeah, that's it.

I think I didn't score higher because while I am perfectly willing to spank someone who clearly enjoys it, and I have plans to find a willing someone and tie them up and have my way with them, I have zero interest in either being spanked or being tied up. You know, there's almost nothing I won't try, but I'm just not going there, sorry.

That leads me into something I've been thinking about lately. Maybe it was something I read recently, or a random thought that's been rattling around inside my head for a while, but I am coming around to the notion that for the most part, sex is really about power. That's what makes it so enticing, and so addictive for someone like me.

Consider, for example, getting your wife to give you a handjob. Let's be honest - I've been rubbing one out on a daily basis since puberty, there's simply no way my wife or any woman is going to know how to get me off any better than I do myself, from a technique standpoint. So why is a handjob from Mary Anne (or anyone else) so much more alluring than slipping off to the bathroom for a quickie with good ol' Rosie Palms and her five sisters?

Power.

Sure, there's the physical pleasure. But the real thrill comes from the fact that someone else is doing it for you - or to you. There's a power relationship involved - and it can go either way. Either I am exercising my power over my lover in making her submit to giving me pleasure, or I am ceding power to her in giving her the ability to pleasure me at her will.

I suspect a lot of sex problems aren't sexually related at all, they are caused by a problem in the power dynamic in that relationship. I suspect that when a wife or a husband shuts down sexual relations with their partner, they are (probably subconciously) using it as a way to exercise power in that relationship. Even though the wife or the husband may really want to have sex, they are fulfilling a need for power by denying sex to their partner.

At the same time, I like to screw different partners because that is a way I can exercise power in those relationships. That's probably why I really love making a woman cum - what better illustrates power than making a woman lose control of herself in orgasm? In my book, there is nothing more erotic, nor more thrilling.

Unfortunately, I think sex as an expression of power is a drawback. There have been a few relationships I was in that were purely two equals having sexual fun - and I don't think it's a coincidence that those were some of the best sex relationships I've been a part of.

Something to think about. I think there must be a way to leverage this knowledge to improve my sex life with Mary Anne, but I'll have to spend a little more time figuring out exactly how to do that.

A Return of Regular Action? - 2005-03-31
Patience Rewarded - 2005-03-29
Infidelity... It's Everywhere - 2005-03-25
3 A.M. Eternal (KLF is gonna rock you!) - 2005-03-24
A Different Twist - 2005-03-21